Communication in Schools: How to Resolve Conflicts Constructively and Avoid Misunderstandings

A teaching assistant enters the classroom and hears the teacher say to her student: "You really need to start listening now." The student crosses his arms and looks away. The situation tips within seconds. Such moments shape communication in schools every single day. They determine whether learning processes succeed or stall, whether relationships grow or fracture. Anyone working in an educational context needs more than good intentions. It requires solid knowledge of communication models and effective conflict resolution strategies.

In this article, you'll discover how the Four-Sides Model by Schulz von Thun helps you analyze conversation situations with nuance. You'll learn why misunderstandings occur and how Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg can be concretely applied in school settings. Those seeking to deepen their understanding can explore Diingu's course Communication and Conflict Resolution Fundamentals, which presents these concepts in practical terms for educational assistants and teaching professionals.

What Is School Communication and Why Does It Matter?

Communication in educational settings encompasses far more than the simple exchange of information. It includes all verbal and nonverbal signals exchanged between teachers, students, parents, educational assistants, and other staff members. Every gesture, tone of voice, and word choice carries layers of meaning beyond pure information content. In an environment characterized by diverse needs, differing expectations, and often tight timeframes, communication becomes the central condition for success.

The quality of school communication directly influences the learning climate and relationship dynamics. Research shows that positive teacher-student relationships significantly increase learning motivation and reduce behavioral problems [1]. At the same time, many communication problems in schools arise from messages being interpreted differently. What one person means as factual information may land as personal criticism to the recipient. This mechanism becomes clearer through the Four-Sides Model by Friedemann Schulz von Thun.

The model describes that every utterance contains four dimensions: the factual level (what information I'm conveying), self-revelation (what I'm disclosing about myself), the relationship level (how I relate to the other person), and the appeal level (what I want the other person to do). A simple sentence like "The homework is missing" may be meant factually but could be understood as criticism of the person. This ambiguity makes communication complex and error-prone, especially when stress and time pressure enter the equation.

That's why conscious engagement with communication fundamentals is indispensable today. Educational assistants in particular navigate a sensitive network of relationships between child, teacher, parents, and other stakeholders. They often serve as mediators and must be able to understand different perspectives and respond appropriately. Only those who understand the mechanisms of communication can resolve conflicts in schools before they escalate.

Why This Knowledge Is Essential Today

Increasing Heterogeneity in Classrooms

The composition of school classes is more diverse than ever. Children and adolescents bring different cultural backgrounds, language levels, learning paces, and social experiences. This heterogeneity is enriching but also places higher demands on communication. What counts as polite restraint in one culture might be perceived as disinterest in another. Educational assistants and teachers must be sensitive to such nuances and able to adapt their communication. Those who have internalized the principles of Nonviolent Communication can respond constructively to this diversity without falling into judgments or prejudices.

Rising Inclusion Requirements

Inclusive education means that children with vastly different support needs learn together. This requires communication that responds individually to needs while keeping the group in view. When a child with social-emotional needs reacts impulsively, they need a different approach than a child who withdraws. The ability to adapt communication strategies situationally becomes a core competency. Additionally, educational assistants often must mediate between different expectations, such as when parents have different ideas than the school. Here, solid knowledge of communication models helps to involve all parties constructively [2].

Digitalization and New Communication Channels

Besides traditional face-to-face conversations, school communication increasingly happens digitally. Emails to parents, messages via school platforms, or video conferences have their own pitfalls. Nonverbal signals like facial expressions and gestures disappear, misunderstandings arise more easily. A carelessly worded email can trigger conflicts that would never have emerged in personal conversation. The principles of good communication apply here too but must be adapted to the medium. Clarity, appreciation, and precise word choice become even more important when the channel limits feedback possibilities.

Prevention of Burnout and Overwhelm

Poor communication is a significant stress factor in daily educational work. Unresolved conflicts, recurring misunderstandings, and the feeling of not being heard contribute to emotional exhaustion. Those who possess effective conflict strategies and can shape conversations constructively, however, experience less strain and more self-efficacy. This directly affects job satisfaction and the quality of educational work. Communication competence is thus also a building block of personal health and resilience.

Responsibility as a Role Model

Children and adolescents learn communication not only through explicit instruction but primarily through observation. How do adults handle conflicts? How do they talk about problems? How do they react to mistakes? Educational professionals are role models whether they want to be or not. Those who practice appreciative, clear communication themselves also convey this attitude to students. Conversely, devaluing or unclear communication patterns negatively shape the younger generation. The responsibility to act as a role model makes it all the more important to continuously reflect on and develop one's own communicative abilities.

Collaboration in Multiprofessional Teams

Modern schools are places where people from different professions work together: teachers, special education teachers, educational assistants, social workers, therapists. This diversity requires coordinated communication so that all parties pull in the same direction. Different professional perspectives can lead to friction when roles and goals aren't clearly communicated. Conflict resolution in educational assistance therefore also encompasses the ability to discuss constructively within teams and develop shared solutions.

Common Challenges and Pitfalls

One of the most common pitfalls is confusing observation with evaluation. In the hectic school day, we tend to judge quickly: "The student is lazy," "The colleague is uncooperative." Such evaluations are subjective interpretations, not objective facts. They lead to defensive reactions and intensify conflicts. Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg addresses exactly this point and requires first describing only what was actually observed, without evaluating it. This distinction is difficult for many people but is the key to de-escalating conversation.

Another problem is unspoken expectations. When an educational assistant expects the teacher to involve her in decisions but never explicitly communicates this, frustration arises. Conversely, the teacher may assume the assistant automatically knows what to do. Such implicit assumptions lead to disappointments and accusations. Clear, explicit agreements are essential but are often neglected in daily stress. Long-term, this costs more time and energy than if transparent communication had occurred from the start.

Misunderstandings also arise from different communication styles. Some people speak very directly and factually, others prefer a relationship-oriented, indirect approach. What one person values as honesty, another perceives as rudeness. Without awareness of these differences, unnecessary conflicts occur. The Four-Sides Model helps recognize such style differences and make one's own communication more flexible. It raises awareness that there isn't one right way to communicate, but that adaptability is required.

Time pressure and overload exacerbate all communicative challenges. Between class periods, break supervision, and organizational tasks, there's often barely room for thorough conversations. Conflicts get postponed, continue to simmer, and then escalate unexpectedly. Even well-intentioned communication approaches fail when there simply isn't time to apply them. Here it's important to consciously shape even brief communication sequences and set priorities: Which conversations can wait, which must be held immediately?

Finally, personal emotional triggers play a role. Every person has sensitive spots that get touched in certain situations. A seemingly harmless remark can activate old wounds and trigger intense reactions. Without self-reflection and emotional regulation, constructive communication is hardly possible. Those who notice that certain topics or behaviors regularly trigger strong emotions should examine these patterns more closely and seek support if necessary.

Application in Practice

An educational assistant supports a boy with autism spectrum disorder in a third-grade class. The boy often reacts impulsively when he feels overwhelmed. The teacher interprets this behavior as provocation and reacts increasingly irritably. The assistant recognizes the escalation spiral and decides on a clarifying conversation. Instead of saying "You're being unfair to him," she formulates her observation concretely: "I've noticed that in the last three math lessons, Jonas has pushed away his tasks and you've subsequently shortened his break." She addresses the factual level without evaluating.

Next, she shares her perception of the relationship level: "I get the impression that you're frustrated, and I can understand that well." This acknowledgment of the teacher's feelings opens space for constructive conversation. Then she formulates her own concern: "It's important to me that Jonas has the opportunity to regulate himself before the situation escalates. Could we think together about what signals he shows before he becomes overwhelmed?" She addresses the appeal level without making accusations. The conversation proceeds constructively because all four sides of communication were consciously shaped.

Another example: An educational assistant supports a girl with ADHD. The mother calls to complain that her daughter says at home the assistant constantly scolds her. The assistant is initially unsettled and defensive. Then he recalls the principles of Nonviolent Communication. He begins the conversation with: "I hear that your daughter feels scolded by me. I'm sorry about that, as that's not my intention." He acknowledges the mother's feeling without immediately justifying himself.

Then he describes concretely what happens in the school day: "When your daughter gets up during class and walks around, I address her and ask her to sit back down. My goal is for her to follow the lesson and for other children not to be distracted." He separates observation (getting up, walking around) from interpretation (scolding) and explains his need and the class's need. The mother now understands the context better and both can consider together how to improve the situation. This approach is explored in depth in Diingu's course Communication and Conflict Resolution Fundamentals, which works through practical scenarios for educational assistants.

The importance of clear communication is equally evident in team collaboration. In a team meeting, a teacher, special education teacher, and educational assistant discuss a student's development plan. The special education teacher suggests focusing on social skills, the teacher wants to close academic gaps. The assistant senses the conflict but says nothing initially. Later it becomes clear that contradictory approaches are being pursued, which confuses the student.

A constructive alternative would have been to address the different perspectives directly: "I hear two important concerns. How can we consider both?" This doesn't sweep the conflict under the rug but uses it as an opportunity for a more comprehensive solution. Such facilitation skills are part of communicative competence and can be trained. They enable staying capable of action even in tense situations and jointly developing sustainable solutions.

Getting Started Successfully

The first step toward better communication is self-reflection. Take time to analyze past conversation situations. Which conversations went well, which didn't? What did you say, how did the other person react? Use the Four-Sides Model for this: Which levels did you address, which might you have overlooked? Such analyses sharpen awareness of your own communication patterns and their effects.

Practice separating observations from evaluations. Before making a statement, ask yourself: Am I describing what I saw or heard, or am I already interpreting? This small difference has major impact. Instead of "You're always so inattentive," say "I've noticed that in the last three assignments you've made mistakes that don't usually happen to you." The second formulation is concrete, verifiable, and invites dialogue instead of making someone defensive.

Develop awareness of your own needs and those of others. Nonviolent Communication is based on the assumption that behind every behavior is a legitimate need. If a student disrupts, the need for attention, autonomy, or stimulation might underlie it. When you recognize and address this need, new solution paths open up. The same applies to conflicts with colleagues or parents. Ask yourself: What does the other person really need right now?

Actively seek conversation and don't hesitate to address uncertainties. "I'm not sure if we understood each other correctly. Can we clarify that again?" Such inquiries aren't signs of weakness but of professional attitude. They prevent misunderstandings from solidifying and later leading to larger conflicts.

Also use feedback loops. Ask colleagues or supervisors for feedback on your communication. How does your way of speaking come across? Where could you be clearer or more appreciative? External perspectives are valuable because they reveal blind spots. You can also give feedback yourself when it's constructively and benevolently formulated.

Finally, it's worthwhile to systematically deepen your knowledge. Books, articles, or structured training programs offer solid knowledge and practical exercises. Especially in the area of communication models, there's a wealth of proven approaches that can noticeably ease daily work. Those who understand the theoretical foundations can flexibly apply them to different situations and thus strengthen their own communication competence long-term.

Related Training at Diingu

Those who want to systematically learn the principles of communication and conflict resolution will find a suitable offering at Diingu. The course Communication and Conflict Resolution Fundamentals teaches the Four-Sides Model by Schulz von Thun and Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg in practical, accessible terms. The course is specifically designed for educational assistants and teaching professionals who want to strengthen their communicative abilities in school settings. Through interactive elements and concrete application examples, what you learn becomes directly applicable. This equips you to recognize conflicts early, avoid misunderstandings, and establish appreciative communication.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the Four-Sides Model by Schulz von Thun?

The Four-Sides Model is a communication model explaining that every utterance has four dimensions: factual content (the pure information), self-revelation (what the speaker discloses about themselves), relationship (how the speaker relates to the other person), and appeal (what the speaker wants to achieve). These four levels work simultaneously but can be interpreted differently. The model helps understand misunderstandings and communicate more consciously by reflecting on and deliberately shaping all levels.

How does Nonviolent Communication work in schools?

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall B. Rosenberg is based on four steps: observation (concrete description without evaluation), feeling (naming one's own emotion), need (clarifying underlying concern), and request (formulating concrete, fulfillable action). In schools, this means not responding to conflict situations with accusations but clearly communicating one's own experience and needs. Simultaneously, the other person's needs are acknowledged, opening the path for shared solutions and preventing escalations.

What conflicts commonly occur in school settings?

Typical conflicts arise between teachers and students (regarding rule violations, performance expectations), among students (bullying, exclusion, competitive situations), between parents and school (different expectations, communication problems), and within the educational team (unclear roles, different pedagogical approaches). Educational assistants also experience conflicts when their role isn't clearly defined or when different ideas about a child's support exist. Many of these conflicts are based on misunderstandings and lacking communication.

How can I resolve communication problems with students?

First, maintain an appreciative attitude and avoid evaluating the person. Describe concretely what you've observed and ask about the student's motivations. Listen actively and show understanding for the child's perspective, even if you don't approve of the behavior. Clearly articulate what expectations you have and why they're important. Search together for solutions that consider everyone's needs. Regular, brief conversations are often more effective than rare, lengthy confrontations.

Why do misunderstandings occur in school communication?

Misunderstandings occur because sender and receiver have different interpretation frameworks. What's self-evident to one person may be unclear to another. Additionally, nonverbal signals (facial expressions, gestures, tone) often work more powerfully than word content and can be contradictory. Time pressure, stress, and emotional strain reduce attention and increase error susceptibility. Cultural and linguistic differences as well as different communication styles also contribute. The Four-Sides Model shows that every message can be understood on multiple levels, leaving room for misinterpretation.

Conclusion

The way we communicate in school settings largely determines whether learning succeeds, relationships remain stable, and conflicts are resolved constructively. Those who understand and consciously shape the mechanisms of school communication create a climate where all participants feel seen and heard. The Four-Sides Model by Schulz von Thun and Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg aren't abstract theories but practical tools that noticeably ease daily work.

Especially in times of growing demands, increasing heterogeneity, and scarce resources, communicative competence is no longer an additional qualification but a fundamental requirement for successful educational work. Every investment in one's own communication ability pays off multiple times: in better relationships, fewer conflicts, and more job satisfaction. Conscious engagement with this topic is a step toward greater professionalism and simultaneously a contribution to respectful, appreciative interaction in schools.

Sources and Further Reading

[1] Hattie, J. (2009). Visible Learning: A Synthesis of Over 800 Meta-Analyses Relating to Achievement - https://visible-learning.org/

[2] Lütje-Klose, B. & Urban, M. (2014). Professional Cooperation as Essential Condition for Inclusive School and Instructional Development - https://www.pedocs.de/

[3] Schulz von Thun, F. (2018). Talking to Each Other 1: Disruptions and Clarifications. General Psychology of Communication - https://www.schulz-von-thun.de/

[4] Rosenberg, M. B. (2016). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life - https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/