Children experience a wide range of feelings every day. Joy, anger, sadness, fear, and excitement can change within minutes. For professionals working in childcare, schools, or family support, dealing with strong emotions is part of daily life. But how do children actually learn to manage their feelings? And how can adults help them along the way?
This article explains what emotional regulation (the ability to recognise, manage, and express feelings in appropriate ways) means. You will learn why training in emotional regulation for children is so valuable for social sector professionals. You will also find practical tips you can use right away.
If you want to dive straight in, Diingu offers a dedicated course: Promoting Emotional Regulation. This course is designed for childcare support workers and provides hands-on knowledge.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation refers to the various processes through which children learn to recognise their feelings, manage them, and express them in ways that fit the situation. [2] This ability does not develop on its own. It grows through a combination of genetic factors, relationship experiences, and environmental influences. [2]
Emotional regulation is considered a key competency for children. It lays the foundation for learning and successful social interaction, especially in early childhood. [11]
Why Does Emotional Regulation Matter?
Children who can regulate their emotions effectively benefit in many areas of life:
- They are more successful in relationships with peers and adults. [3]
- They show better academic performance. [3]
- They have stronger mental health. [3]
- They are more popular among other children and show greater social competence. [3]
On the other hand, difficulties with emotional regulation can lead to significant challenges. Children who struggle to manage their feelings are more likely to show behavioural problems. They may find school and social situations harder to navigate. [10]
How Emotional Regulation Develops in Children
The ability to regulate emotions develops step by step throughout childhood. [7] This is a completely normal process. No child is born knowing how to control their feelings. This is not a sign of poor parenting. It is a natural part of development. [4]
Development Stages at a Glance
| Age | What happens? | Role of adults |
|---|---|---|
| Infancy | Babies cannot regulate their feelings on their own. | Adults take on almost all regulation (co-regulation). |
| Toddler years | First self-regulation strategies appear, such as thumb-sucking or looking away. | Significant support and guidance are needed. |
| Preschool age | Increasing self-regulation. Children can apply simple strategies. | Guidance remains important but is adapted. |
| School age | More and more aspects are managed by the child. | Adults support more from the background. |
The support from adults does not stop suddenly. It is sensitively adjusted over time. [7] This means that even school-age children still need help with strong emotions.
If you want to learn more about child development, Diingu offers the course Developmental Psychology Basics. It explains the different developmental stages in an accessible way.
What Happens in the Brain?
Neuroscience helps us understand why children sometimes seem to "lose control" when emotions run high. [8]
The brain has different areas with different functions:
- Upper brain regions (the prefrontal cortex, the area behind the forehead): This area is responsible for logical thinking, emotional regulation, and empathy (the ability to understand how others feel). [8]
- Lower brain regions (the brainstem, the oldest part of the brain): This area is responsible for survival and protection. It reacts quickly and automatically. [8]
In children, the upper brain regions are not yet fully developed. During emotionally charged situations, the lower, instinct-driven areas often take over. [6] This explains why a child who is angry or scared cannot simply "be reasonable." In that moment, their brain is not capable of it.
This knowledge is extremely helpful for professionals. It helps you see challenging behaviour not as defiance, but as a sign of a brain that is still maturing.
The Role of Caregivers: Co-Regulation Is Key
Co-regulation (the process where a caregiver helps a child manage their emotions together) is the most important building block for developing emotional regulation. [1] Children do not learn to handle feelings on their own. They need adults who guide them through the process.
This applies to parents as well as to childcare workers, school support staff, and family support professionals. [1]
Five Ways Adults Can Support Children
Research highlights five key ways caregivers can promote emotional regulation in children: [12]
1. Role modelling: Show your own emotional regulation
Children learn by watching. When you demonstrate how you deal with frustration or annoyance, you are teaching a valuable lesson. For example, you might say: "I notice I am feeling impatient right now. I am going to take a deep breath."
2. Naming emotions: Put feelings into words
Help children recognise and name their feelings. "You look very angry right now. Is that how you feel?" This simple step makes a big difference. A feeling that has a name is easier to understand and manage.
3. Validation: Acknowledge feelings
Emotional validation (acknowledging and taking feelings seriously) is a central approach in modern childcare practice. [8] It means taking the child's feelings seriously. Instead of saying "Calm down!" try reflecting the feeling first: "I can see that this makes you very sad. That is okay."
4. Teaching coping strategies
Coping strategies (techniques for dealing with difficult situations) can be actively taught to children. These include:
- Deep breathing
- Counting to ten
- Physical movement (jumping, running)
- Squeezing a stress ball
- Going to a quiet place
5. Creating routines
Predictable routines give children a sense of security. When a child knows what comes next, it reduces emotional overwhelm. Clear daily structures are therefore an important protective factor.
You can learn more about protective factors in the Diingu course Protective and Risk Factors in Childhood and Adolescence.
Practical Strategies for Everyday Professional Work
Beyond the five core principles, there are many specific strategies you can use in childcare, school, or family support settings. [13]
Breathing Exercises
Breathing exercises are simple and effective. They help children calm down physically.
- Balloon breathing: The child imagines inflating a balloon in their belly. Breathe in slowly, belly gets big. Breathe out slowly, belly gets flat.
- Candle breath: The child pretends to blow out a candle. Breathe in deeply and blow out slowly.
- Counting breath: Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds.
Body-Based Techniques
Movement helps release tension. [13] Physical activities are especially helpful when children feel angry or frustrated:
- Jumping or running on the spot
- Kneading a stress ball
- Pressing hands together tightly and then releasing
- Shaking the whole body like a wet dog
Cognitive Strategies
Cognitive strategies (strategies that involve thinking) work particularly well with older children:
- Thought stopping: Saying "Stop!" internally when negative thoughts arise
- Positive self-talk: "I can do this. I can ask for help."
- Perspective taking: "How would my best friend see this?"
Creative Expression
Creativity offers children a safe way to express their feelings: [5]
- Drawing: Representing feelings as colours or shapes
- Storytelling: Talking about a character who has similar feelings
- Role play: Acting out situations and trying different responses
Sensory Strategies
Some children calm down particularly well through sensory input:
- Listening to calming music
- Touching tactile materials (playdough, sand, soft toys)
- Using a quiet, low-stimulation retreat space
Emotional Regulation in Children with Additional Needs
Children with certain diagnoses often face particular challenges with emotional regulation. It is important for professionals to understand these connections.
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD, a developmental condition that affects social interaction and communication) often find it difficult to recognise and regulate their emotions. [15] Modern approaches focus on teaching coping strategies, communication skills, and flexible thinking. [15]
The Diingu course Autism Spectrum Disorders provides in-depth knowledge on this topic.
ADHD
Children with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) often show significant mood swings and impulsivity. [10] In almost every school class, there is a child facing these challenges. Early support for emotional regulation is particularly important here. [10]
Learn more in the Diingu course Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder.
Conduct Disorders
Children with conduct disorders (persistent patterns of aggressive or rule-breaking behaviour) need particularly sensitive support. Emotional regulation plays a central role in this context. The Diingu course Conduct Disorders offers valuable background knowledge.
Emotional Validation in Childcare Settings
A current professional approach emphasises the importance of emotional validation in childcare settings. [8] It centres on three key points:
- Take feelings seriously and acknowledge them: Every feeling is valid. Including anger, sadness, and fear.
- Do not rush to reassure: Instead of "It is not that bad," try "I can see that this is bothering you."
- Create a safe space: Children need a place where they can express their emotions. Without judgement or punishment.
This approach also requires professionals to reflect on their own relationship with feelings. [9] Only those who can regulate their own emotions well can effectively support children in doing the same.
The Diingu course Self-Care for School Support Workers helps professionals look after their own mental health.
The Transition from Kindergarten to School
The transition from kindergarten to school is a major challenge. For children and for their families. [14] Emotions play a central role in learning new skills and abilities. [14]
Children who have already developed good emotional regulation strategies during their preschool years manage this transition much better. [14] This shows how important early support truly is.
For professionals in family support, the topic of attachment is closely linked to emotional regulation. The Diingu course Attachment in Childhood explores this connection.
Why Training in Emotional Regulation Matters for Professionals
For professionals in the social sector, understanding emotional regulation is essential for several reasons:
- Prevention: Early support can help prevent mental health disorders. [3]
- De-escalation: Understanding the underlying causes helps when dealing with challenging behaviour. [6]
- Relationship building: Co-regulation strengthens the bond with the child. [7] [1]
- Self-care: Your own emotional regulation is a prerequisite for professional practice. [9]
- Inclusion: Children with disabilities or mental health conditions need particularly sensitive support. [15]
Training in emotional regulation gives you the knowledge and practical tools you need. You will learn to understand children better and support them more effectively. This makes your daily work easier and more rewarding.
Tips to Get Started
- Observe consciously: Pay attention to how children handle feelings in everyday situations. What triggers strong emotions?
- Reflect on your own reactions: How do you respond when a child gets angry or cries? Do you stay calm?
- Try one strategy: Choose one of the techniques described above and test it during the coming week.
- Continue learning: Use professional literature or online courses to deepen your knowledge.
- Exchange ideas: Talk with colleagues about your experiences and learn from each other.
Related Training at Diingu
Emotional regulation in children is a cross-cutting topic. It touches many areas of professional practice. Diingu offers several courses that can help you build your knowledge:
- Promoting Emotional Regulation - The course directly on this topic, designed for childcare support.
- Developmental Psychology Basics - Understand how children develop at different ages.
- Autism Spectrum Disorders - For working with children on the autism spectrum.
- Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder - For supporting children with ADHD.
- Attachment in Childhood - For professionals in family support.
- Protective and Risk Factors in Childhood and Adolescence - Background knowledge on resilience and prevention.
- Self-Care for School Support Workers - So you can stay healthy and effective in your role.
All foundational courses at Diingu are free. You can learn flexibly and at your own pace.
Sources and Further Reading
[1] Pro Juventute - Emotionsregulation: Wie Kinder Emotionen regulieren lernen - https://www.projuventute.ch/de/eltern/entwicklung-gesundheit/emotionsregulation
[2] Betzold Blog - Emotionsregulation fördern - https://www.betzold.de/blog/emotionsregulation-bei-kindern/
[3] Springer Link - Kurze Strategien zur Stärkung der Emotionsregulation - https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-032-07436-2_7
[4] Edurino - Emotionsregulation bei Kindern: Tipps für kleine Gefühls-Helden - https://www.edurino.com/de-ch/blogs/edurino/emotionsregulation-bei-kindern
[5] Carepatron - 10 Effective Emotional Regulation Activities for Kids - https://www.carepatron.com/de/blog/10-effective-emotional-regulation-activities-for-kids
[6] Familienhandbuch - Emotionsregulation bei Kindern - https://www.familienhandbuch.de/babys-kinder/bildungsbereiche/soziale/EmotionsregulationbeiKindern.php
[7] Geborgen Wachsen - Der stufenweise Weg der Gefühlsregulation - https://geborgen-wachsen.de/2026/01/16/der-stufenweise-weg-der-gefuehlsregulation/
[8] Kita-Fachtexte - Emotionale Validierung in Kindertageseinrichtungen - https://www.kita-fachtexte.de/fileadmin/Redaktion/Publikationen/1-2026_Kita-Fachtext_Ingvarsson_Emotionale_Validierung_in_Kitas.pdf
[9] Herder / Kiga heute - Emotionsregulation in der Kita in aufgeregten Zeiten - https://www.herder.de/kiga-heute/leitungsheft/archiv/2026-19-jg/1-2026/beruhig-dich-erst-mal-emotionsregulation-in-aufgeregten-zeiten/
[10] Kipman - Emotionsregulation und die daraus resultierenden Implikationen für die Förderung - https://kipman.at/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Finsterer_Anna_Emotionsregulation_und_die_daraus_resultierenden_Implikationen_fuer_die_Foerderung.pdf
[11] Bildungsexperten - Emotionsregulation in der Kita - https://bildungsexperten.net/emotionsregulation-in-der-kita/
[12] The Conversation - Big feelings: 5 ways parents can help kids learn to regulate their emotions - https://theconversation.com/big-feelings-5-ways-parents-can-help-kids-learn-to-regulate-their-emotions-275173
[13] Dr. Roseann - 100+ Self-Regulation Strategies for Kids - https://drroseann.com/self-regulation-strategies-for-kids/
[14] Kita-Handbuch - Emotionsregulation in der kindlichen Entwicklung - https://www.kindergartenpaedagogik.de/fachartikel/psychologie/emotionsregulation-in-der-kindlichen-entwicklung-die-rolle-von-emotionen-in-der-lernerfahrung-bei-vorschulkindern/
[15] Child Mind Institute - Emotional Regulation for Kids - https://childmind.org/article/can-help-kids-self-regulation/